Things I don't understand...

Ok, so before I say anything- those of you who have been keeping up with our blog may find this one a bit "less like" the other posts... so, if you want to have a laugh or two (as you have with previous posts) you may want to skip this one... but if you do read this, may my words encourage/strengthen/uplift you...

There are things that I don't understand... and may never understand. Daily tasks sometimes overwhelm me as I don't understand simple things... such as our TV/DVR... no matter how many times Caleb SHOWS me how to use it, I just don't understand... I don't understand some of our appliances... I don't understand a lot of military jargon (as I should/need to know!)... but those don't even compare to some of the other things that I don't understand... yesterday was a trying day with my students... it crushed me... my heart broke for the students. Throughout the day, SEVERAL, yes, SEVERAL of my students made threats to other classmates/schoolmates... what in the world?! They're in THIRD GRADE! When I was in third grade I think my biggest "issue" was whether my dog ate my homework or not (in which case, Katie, our beloved dog, truly did eat it... which led me to study hall- where I bawled..); that or my issue was passing the mile test in gym... which didn't happen... however, going back to this serious issue... several of my kids made threats and horrible comments to their friends... my heart BROKE... into A THOUSAND PIECES. How can kids be so cruel to each other? My mind was bogged down by all the thoughts that I had about this... I just couldn't fathom MY KIDS acting like this... it ripped me- to my core. I couldn't teach... I stopped every lesson and talked with my kids... this is what happened: I immediately had them put EVERYTHING away and come sit with me... I looked at each and everyone of the students in the circle- seriously looked at them- for about 5 seconds each (talk about feeling uncomfortable I'm sure! My kids have NEVER seen me like this- let alone have heard me raise my voice)... but boy, they knew I was serious. DEAD SERIOUS. I told them how hurt I was because they were being so cruel to each other- I said that it hurt me- like it would any parent- I told them that they are my "kids" as I don't have any... when they hurt, I hurt... when someone makes them feel bad, I feel bad... I feel for them- when they are happy I am happy- when they celebrate, you better believe I want to be right there celebrating with them... when they cry- I cry. My heart/soul is in each and every one of these children. I feel responsible for them- in any and everything that they do. I felt responsible for the students who made threats... "what? MY STUDENT said that? No... they wouldn't... what?" I just couldn't fathom any of it... and it CRUSHED ME. I then spoke to the children saying that I cared about each and everyone of them... truly CARED for them. Some students looked at me puzzled... one asked "why"... then I responded with "why not? Have you ever been told that you are cared for?" The student replied: "NO." (what??!?!?!?!?) This student- MY STUDENT has gone almost 10 years of his life never being told that someone CARED FOR THEM. My heart broke. Tears welled up in my eyes (I did NOT cry- until they all left after school).. how could they go so many years without someone saying something? THAT'S WHY SO MANY TEENS DO THE THINGS THEY DO TODAY- THEY DON'T FEEL CARED ABOUT- NO ONE HAS TOLD THEM! Again, I looked at each and every one of my students and said (with an even longer gaze...) "I CARE. I CARE SO MUCH... FOR EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU. I CARE ABOUT YOU... if you haven't been told that before- I am telling you TODAY... I CARE. I CARE FOR YOU- EACH OF YOU- WITH ALL OF MY HEART. Know that Mrs. Lohman cares for you... (yes, I said "Mrs. Lohman")... so many of the kids looked back with tears in their eyes... I hope I touched each of them as much as they have personally touched me... I couldn't (and still can't) fathom going for so long without someone telling them they are loved... that they're cared for... my WHOLE LIFE I have been told that- TIME AND TIME AGAIN. I have been so incredibly blessed to have been raised by such amazing parents, who I now consider my best friends... no matter what I did or didn't do... my parents told me that they cared... they loved... they were proud... of ME. NO MATTER WHAT. That is the true love/compassion for a child... children NEED to feel cared for and loved... I thank God every day that I have the parents that I do- and thank him for the all the years that they have blessed me with. I don't know who I would be without the support/love/encouragement of my parents (and family). Going back to my students- I cried after school. As soon as the last student stepped into the hall I burst into tears... I cried out "Lord, help me touch these students... they are hurting- fill their heart with love and let them know they care. Help them realize that their thoughts and actions touch those around them. Help me understand... help me understand so that I can help them. Guide me Father... use me... USE ME." I still question why MY KIDS would do this... but then realized that half of their parents are deployed... how can I understand how much hurt these kids are going through? People ask me "how do you do it- knowing your husband is fighting/could give his own life for our country"- I reply with "I just DO. That's what it comes down to in the military- just DO. When a soldier is in the field and one of their comrads fall- they just DO. They don't think- we are a family- the military- we just do- we don't think... you DO things to get you through- you know that you have to DO something... anything... and that's how we get through." On the other hand, I get through by support/encouragement/prayer/a relationship with God/relationships with family and friends/and growing up... years of hurt/experiences has made me who I am.. but what about those kids- those NOT EVEN 10 year old kids- who have never been told that they're loved- who don't have a relationship with Christ- who don't have a parent at home... who haven't learned what to DO? What do they do? They haven't had the years of experience that I have... and I don't understand so many things... how can I possibly teach my students things when I don't understand? Those students are my heros... they are MY teacher... I look to them for encouragement/support... they are the ones that go home and don't hear from their parents... they go home and have to be that voice that their mother/father needs to hear when they can't hear their best friends/spouses voice... they are that hug/kiss/smile/wink that their parents need... I don't understand how strong they can be... but BLESS THEM. BLESS THEM- FOR WHAT THEY DO- EVERY DAY OF THEIR LIVES... I realized after school that almost 5 of my kids were expecting their parents to come home from a tour- AN ENTIRE TOUR- A YEAR... then, a volcano around the world keeps their parents from coming home... from coming to THEM. I DON'T UNDERSTAND. "Why isn't my parent coming home today? Why are their "welcome home" signs up in our yard/all around post and they're not here? I DON'T UNDERSTAND." No wonder today was CHAOS... they don't understand what's going on...

On another note... I don't understand how some people can have "oops" babies, while others try for years... I don't understand why people end life- without thinking of others, or how their actions are going to affect those around them... I don't understand how people can go hungry all over the world... yet we throw food away without even thinking... I don't understand why we are fighting in a war and soldiers are GIVING THEIR LIVES EVERY DAY for people back here who stand on courthouse steps holding signs protesting the war... I don't understand why people aren't thankful for our soldiers who have fought in many wars to have and ensure the freedoms that we have today... WHY?! I DON'T UNDERSTAND.

Some of you reading this have a relationship with God and question him sometimes... question him on your lack of understanding... and your purpose. I question my purpose at times- "Lord, what's my purpose? What am I supposed to be doing? Why did you put me here/why are you doing this/why is this happening?/etc." Last week I watched the movie "Facing the Giants"- if you have not watched this movie- RENT IT- TONIGHT. DON'T WASTE TIME... it will touch your soul... like it did mine. After watching it, I cried out: "Lord USE ME. GUIDE ME. SHOW ME MY PURPOSE. GIVE ME A PURPOSE. USE ME!!! Every day I have repeated this prayer- God USE ME. SHOW ME WHAT MY PURPOSE IS"- (every day we have a purpose- whether it's a smile at someone, holding the door open, speaking words of advice/etc. YOU HAVE A PURPOSE- EVERY DAY). A light-bulb went on in my head... I'm asking God to USE ME... but I need to make myself be USABLE... I need to DO something... so... this is what I did... and DO... every day. Before school starts I walk into my room and pray. "God touch these students. USE ME. MAY MY PURPOSE TODAY be a light in the lives of each and every one of these students. Lord, be with each of these students- heal them, let them understand. GUIDE THEM like you're guiding me." Yes, I pray for each and everyone of my students- and even though each day may hold surprises/downfalls (what day doesn't!?) I know that everything is going to be OK because God is already there.. he IS touching the lives of these students... HE is with them when they think that no one is.. HE cares about them when they think no one is... HE is healing their cold/empty heart and filling it with HIS love. HE is their father/mother when their "Earthly" father/mother can't be with them... I have a purpose each and every day- like EACH ONE OF YOU... YOU have a purpose in life... you may not always understand what/why/when/who/etc. but know that you have a purpose... don't expect to always understand (because you won't)... rest assured that GOD is with you and will guide you... when you have him as your guide you don't need to understand- just follow... JUST DO. Bless each and everyone of you who have read this entire post... sorry I just get so caught up/passionate about things that I keep typing :) AND on a final note just know that I care about each and every one of you... I CARE. JESUS CARES. BE BLESSED AND KNOW THAT YOU HAVE A PURPOSE.

Ticks...

Ticks are bouncing around... they're EVERYWHERE... and... it's only... APRIL. (sigh)... ticks are HORRIBLE down here (oh my gosh I sound like a southerner- "Down here"... what's next- "soda"? NOPE. FORGET IT...) anyways... ticks... they're bad. Last summer my friend Mekala and her husband went camping with their dog... they woke up COVERED in ticks... seriously- COVERED... like, several- ON THEIR FACE (and all over everywhere else...) Caleb comes home from the field covered in ticks as well... I'm more afraid to snuggle up to him than I am Daisy! ;) jk... I have (knock on wood) NEVER gotten a tick on me... NEVER. I am horrified of them... (almost as scared of them as I am horses...) the other day my students went outside for recess... one of my students was rolling around in the grass and I told him to stop b/c there were bugs/ticks... he didn't listen (what kid would listen to an adult when they're rolling down hills at school?!!?) The next day, this little boy came up to me-apologizing. He said that he was "Sorry for not listening and that I was so smart..." because when he got home he had several ticks on him that his dad had to get off... I told him that I was glad he was ok... and that he learned his lesson (for the day at least) to listen to me... he then proceeded to go to the library and check out a book all on ticks... we read the book/looked at pics (GROSS!) as a class and talked about lyme disease and staying healthy/preventing ticks/etc... then, it was time for... RECESS! My eager kids lined up to go outside... but then they got outside and would NOT leave the "comfort" of the sidewalk... (seriously?!) Imagine... about 15 students standing on the sidewalk... toes BARELY on the grass... it was a sight to see... however, this poses a problem... my kids "earn" recess outside by behaving well in their special classes/being good in my room...well, now that they're afraid of playing outside I'm a little fearful of how they might behave... I need to stop blogging and find other ways to keep my kids behaviors in check.. without recess or breaking the bank to buy "prizes".. agh, the joys of teaching :)(Did I mention that Caleb and I FOUND A TICK... ON... OUR... COUCH?!) Yeah... it was just "chilling" there while we were folding laundry... SWEET. Welcome to KY... HOME OF THE TICKS.

"Don't Get Too Bored..."

This morning Caleb headed out to the field... for a week. Before I mention anything else, right after he kissed me/said "I love you" he added: "now, don't get too bored..." Anytime that Caleb leaves I start to get bored... before I add anymore, I would like to add that Yes, I do hang out with my friends down here, go on walks, run, workout, cook, clean, etc... but what do I do when all of that is done? Well... I could A. watch tv B. drive around KY finding things to do or C. do something... like drastic (sometimes it takes a little "oomph" to have a husband notice things!) jk... Caleb notices things... even without my "hints/nudges"... but going back to the things that I COULD do while he's away... A. I don't like "vegging" in front of the tv... and have told Caleb that when he's gone the tv is gone... I'm still keeping netflix though! ;) so "A" is out of the question... which leads to B... ummm hello... KY drivers are CRAZY... case in point: I get HIT by a nun.. yes, a nun... she "ran" a RED light... yes, RED. My not even/barely month old car was totaled... if KY drivers aren't crazy in their cars driving, they're crazy driving their LAWNMOWERS or HORSES.. yes, HORSES... NO JOKE, I have seen people drive their lawnmowers (yes, my dad did this... and still does... but in our NEIGHBORHOOD... KY drivers take it up one notch and DRIVE... on the ROAD/HIGHWAYS...) oh, and I did say that they drive/ride "horses"... we saw a guy riding one in Elizabethtown... like Western-style riding it... by the Kohls/mall... WHAT IN THE WORLD. I have however thought about this... the worst possible-case scenario of a car accident for me (besides getting hit by a nun/MY pepper-spray going off IN MY FACE- yes, that happened...) would be to get in an accident with a HORSE... I would probably have a panic attack due to the horse! So no... I will not go driving around KY looking for things to do... so... by process of elimination (I did a LOT of studying for the GRE and am pretty good at "process of elimination") that leaves me with C. One time Caleb came home to my hair dyed... almost black... then one time red-ish... (I'm thinking blonde next time- just to get all the colors in there)... the last time he came home to my "new-do"... BANGS! Yes, he noticed this... RIGHT AWAY... probably the BEAM of my smile/face more so than the actual cut... I was so proud of myself- I have never had bangs and had NO IDEA what I was doing... not too bad... he liked them. I also do a lot of decorating while he's gone... and went SHOPPING (which I loathe) for decoration stuff/curtains/etc... he's only been gone ALMOST a full day and I've already started pounding nails into the walls... cutting/hanging... agh... I will post pics soon... but this definitely beats the news/tv/driving ANY DAY.

Bucket List

A bucket list... some people think they're pointless/stupid/a waste of time... while others live by them... I'm one of those in the middle... I don't think they're pointless, but I don't think you need to live your life around a "list"... but I do however have a "bucket list"... and I'm proud to say that at 23 years old I have checked off quite a few things... yes, I'm impressed... with myself.

One of my things on my list is to run a marathon... which is 26.2 miles... that's quite a bit of running... and something that one should train for... before I really thought about it, my ever so smart husband told me that I should "work up" to it... what?! Why would you work up to something astronomical like that... to me- I just wanted to "check it off" my list... forget a 10k... or a half... just go out and get it done and over with! But... as I thought about it... and actually started running for it, I decided to listen to him, so I signed up for a half marathon at the end of this month... and I'm proud to say that running about 8 miles doesn't seem like much... crazy huh? An asthmatic running... about 8 miles... saying "agh, it's nothing..." well take that elementary phys. ed teacher (not mentioning names)... I believe I passed the "mile test" once... maybe twice... throughout my whole elementary career... and never got a "gold slip" in gym... anyways... last week (on April Fool's Day) I decided to go for a run (since I decided to stop trying to prank Caleb and Nate)... Caleb got a sweet watch (basically the size of a small laptop) that clocks your distance/pace/etc.) that I wore... it was a gorgeous day... I had my headphones on... sunglasses on... and started... and kept going... about 9 miles in I decided to keep going to 10... and at 10 miles (I was seriously really impressed with myself by then!) was like "what's another 3 miles? That's a 5k... piece of cake..." so... I kept going... and didn't stop- at all (I figured if I stopped or slowed way down that I'd just stop completely...) so I COMPLETED a half marathon! (I'm currently patting myself on my back... jk... maybe). You better believe that I already went to my "list" and checked it off... I think I'll start training for the actual marathon sometime later on in my life (I need some things on my list for the rest of my life!) but I should probably start working on my "getting over my fear of horses" sometime soon... that may take the REST of my life to cross off...

My ALMOST favorite holiday(s)

Ok... so I have heard that "some people never grow up"... many people use that term in a negative view... but I would like to make you reconsider this... as I am one of those people that REFUSES to grow up... or, maybe it's just that I am a bit "immature"... or work with kids... or have a younger brother whom I adore/hang out with and he rubs off on me... or maybe, I don't have an excuse... :) I DO however have an amazing husband who accepts me and doesn't think I'm foolish to get excited about little things... or act like a kid every now and then. Take for example- a few weeks ago, we were at an FRG meeting... Caleb is admired/respected/in charge of a group of men, so he is in the spotlight... so, he obviously acts his age... I on the other hand did not want to sit in a meeting... and decided to play... with a child. The meeting is going on... Caleb stands up... blah blah blah... and I'm having the time of my life drawing/banging my car keys around/etc... Caleb, bless his heart didn't mind (or so he told me!) (I will be coming back to this meeting, so there is a point in telling you this...)

Back to what I was really getting at (like a little kid... my mind wanders... and I start going off on tangents...) With every holiday that comes around, (NOT including Valentine's day... which is NOT a holiday)... I get very excited and tell Caleb, "THIS is my FAVORITE holiday..." and he replies, "I thought Halloween/Christmas/Thanksgiving/Fourth of July/fill in the holiday... was"... and I reply with- "well... I like that one too... but THIS is my favorite..." (did I mention that my husband puts up with a lot?!)- ok, so here it goes- my ALMOST TWO favorite holidays just occurred this past week... it's like a whole week of celebrating for me... APRIL FOOL'S DAY... AND EASTER... hokey pete, how lucky can a girl get- TWO HOLIDAYS IN ONE WEEK!??!!? So, last week I came home from the gym/school and saw... AN EASTER BASKET!!! YES!!! Caleb was scheduled to work Easter weekend and my family was going to be here, so he decided to celebrate a bit early... (thanks for the memo Cabe!) Not only did I get an Easter basket... but he had HIDDEN eggs around the house... I HAVE AN AMAZING HUSBAND. PERIOD. While I had been busy googling April Fool's pranks, he was out preparing my Easter basket... and hiding eggs…

So back to that FRG meeting… (and more to come on April Fool’s Day!)… someone asked the group what they thought about having an Easter Egg Hunt for the squadron… guess whose hand shot up in the air first? MINE. You better believe it! There were several egg hunts both on/off post but they all had an age limit… since when are you too old to do an Easter egg hunt?! I raised my hand because I thought that it would be my one and only opportunity to partake in a hunt… but never the less, there was an age limit… BUT, as I stated before- Caleb made an Easter egg hunt JUST FOR ME… oh my word… words cannot describe how stoked I was! It was… awesome!

Now… onto April Fool’s Day… my ALMOST favorite holiday… growing up my friend Nora and I took an entire day to prank her parents- literally every room in their house had some sort of a joke… it was glorious… I’d also like to note that growing up my MOM taught me how to “short sheet” a bed… yes, my mom… so, pranking runs in my blood… I can’t help it! The week before April Fool’s Day I started practicing my older pranks… and after my failed attempt with the faucet hose and Caleb I decided to try it on Nate… only to fail… AGAIN! Since Nate was here for my ALMOST favorite holiday, we decided to put our heads together… so… we plastic wrapped the toilet seat for Caleb… only to find a note that read “I’m not that stupid”… second attempt: FAIL. Then, my parents came down- they slept in our bed… so, you better believe that (even though it was a few days AFTER April Fool’s Day) I short-sheeted their bed… only to wake up in the morning with them acting like NOTHING happened… why? It didn’t work… third attempt: FAIL. AGHHH… April Fool’s Day is so not fun when you are married to an extremely smart man… that doesn’t fall for anything… and live at a place with absolutely no water pressure… looks like I’m going to be googling more pranks for the rest of the year… next year you ALL better be ready as Caleb will be gone… this is just a forewarning ;)