"I don't know how you do it"

"I don't know how you do it..."
"Wait, so he WON'T be here for the BIRTH of your FIRST child??? After all that has happened??"
"I just can't believe that the Army isn't sending him home..."
"I just don't know what to say to you..."
 I can't even remember just HOW many times I heard those statements (and many, many similar) over the course of the deployment... I can't remember because I a.lost count, b.stopped listening, and c.tried to block them out and forget those words...

Let me explain-- the people who said those things were near and dear to me and truly meant the best when saying it, but seriously, what am I supposed to say back? Ok, so let's go back to those statements....

"I don't know how you do it..."
--- In all honesty I don't know either. I just do. I do it because I love the man who is fighting for me, my family, and oh, the rest of the nation and nothing would ever change that, so, looks like I'm going to have to "do this". I do it because my husband and I were called to do this. I didn't want ANY sympathy (and still don't)  when people said that-- my husband and I "signed up" for this life and "this life" has given us SO much-- yes, we've given a lot too, but we've also been so grateful for this lifestyle. I got through that year in a lot of ways:
--- with the help of our family in MI, and a WHOLE LOT of military wives/friends.
--- sleeping sideways... yep, you read that correctly. I'm still trying to figure out how to sleep like a normal person who is supposed to sleep parallel to the edge of the bed. All I knew was that our queen size bed was way too big for just me and I hated reaching over to "his side" and feeling the cold, empty sheets... so, sideways it was.
--- I cried... a lot. Most of the time it was either with other military wives... in public and back home in Michigan I held it together and put on a fake smile. to be quite frank, our friends and family NEEDED me to be strong for them. If they really knew what was going on, that we'd been on our 2nd blackout in 2 weeks, or that my skype connection was cut off because my husband's unit came under attack there'd be more questions that I JUST COULDN'T/didn't want to ANSWER.
--- I kept plenty busy, didn't sleep, clutched my phone day/night so to not miss a single call, and just plain didn't stay home so that I wouldn't constantly have the thought that there would be an unwelcomed knock at the door.

While Caleb was deployed I had surgery AND had a baby... yes, our first. *Shocker*. SO many people were absolutely blind sided that he wouldn't be able to make it home for the birth (of, again, our FIRST). I on the other hand could've cared less if he were with me or not-- that sounds terrible, but I wanted a late RR as I knew it'd be that much harder knowing he'd have to go back to a war zone that I knew about now (in the beginning I pretended to be naive and think he'd just sit inside on a computer all day- you do what you have to do to get through, let me tell you ;)). Let me explain something... the Army could care less about birthdays, anniversaries, weddings, surgeries, sickness', AND babies being born. Those things get in the way of missions, and MISSION/DUTY COMES FIRST. I know this... my husband knows this... the rest of our Army family knows this, but, unfortunately, some others don't, and it was REALLY hard to explain that. However, he WAS there for the birth. Somehow by the grace of God, even as things changed he was ON SKYPE and was with me the whole time :) It was such a blessing. He was the FIRST person to see Kenzie and I can vividly remember just feeling like he WAS there in the OR. So no, he wasn't the first to hold her, but he had another job to do, and from the moment he raised his right hand I knew that mission came first and our family came second... and that, is FINE :)

I can't thank our family, friends, and other military wives enough for how supportive they were to our family throughout those 12+ months. We are truly thankful. It's hard to be on the outside looking in, but y'all were AMAZING. Caleb and his "brothers" really appreciated all of the cards, cookies, care packages, etc... THANK YOU!!