Used to it..

I woke up this morning to heavy/hot breathe in my face... and a wet pillow... I know that I am capable of drooling, but I knew I hadn't slept well enough to drool... opening my eyes I saw Daisy, who was passed out, under the covers, and sharing a pillow with me... guess that explains the wet pillow and black hair matting my face! While this scene isn't something I am used to... this is what I am used to (which is honestly sad, but I am glad that I have finally come to terms with it!)... last night I got out of work and raced home- Caleb had left for work in the morning and wasn't able to come home for lunch, so yes, I missed him and wanted to see him, so, I sped home... as I pulled into our neighborhood I didn't even notice his car NOT there... I walked in to our quite house to find Daisy in her crate... he wasn't home. I figured he was just across the street playing golf (he went several times this weekend, but didn't do as well as he usually does, so I figured he was trying to build his confidence back up)- but as I looked out our kitchen window, I didn't see anyone, and the clock read: 8:15pm so i realized he probably wasn't there either... as I sat on the couch to watch the one and only tv show I actually watch, my phone rang- it was Caleb- he was clearly upset and said he wasn't coming home tonight... or tomorrow night... and hoped to be home sometime Thursday... this was news to both of us! Before, this news would have upset me because the Army always changes things, but I have realized that I can't make plans and that I need to write everything in pencil... I was definitely bummed, but it's not like I can do anything, and I could sense Caleb's frustration... yes, the military runs our life. I am used to it now though- I am immune to these types of phone calls... used to making his favorite meal (I made it during the day for him so he could re-heat it for dinner while I was working)- only to have to throw it out or give it to neighbors to enjoy (it's not going to stay until Thursday-IF he even comes home that day!)... so as I let Daisy out, turned off the tv (I didn't even finish my show-that's how much I DON'T watch tv!), brushed my teeth, washed my face, and got into bed I couldn't help but think about the upcoming deployment... no sooner did I start to close my eyes to pray, Daisy nudged my chin (she sleeps with us-how that actually started I am not sure!)- she wanted under the covers (she sleeps like a person would-under the covers, and apparently likes to sleep on pillows too!)... Panzer joined in on the action too- our queen sized bed definitely feels like a twin with these two and Caleb isn't even in the bed! How these two small critters sprawl out and make themselves appear so much larger is beyond me! I woke up a few times only to reach across the bed (I usually do this while I sleep and hang on to Caleb's arm) but as I reached out I felt a rather hairy leg-Daisy... and I smiled. I missed Caleb, but Daisy was there, as she always is... she seems to know just what I need- when I need it... she truly is "man's best friend"- whenever I am sick she stays by my side (which sometimes gets annoying as I am sick and want to just curl up with a pillow!) and genuinely seems interested and invested in what we're doing-whether it be jumping into the car to run errands with us, standing in the MIDDLE of my garden as I TRY to weed, or sit in the kitchen as I make Caleb his favorite meal... she is wonderful (I will have to re-read this blog the next time I come home to a shredded blind/curtain/rug/couch-all of which I have! ;) so... she has helped me overcome my anger towards the Armys "unexpected"- it's when I get that phone call/text from Caleb saying he won't be home for a few days that I look up and see her face and her big floppy ears perk up-she tilts her head as if questioning why I seem upset... then scooches over to me and wants to be petted-it's going to be ok ;) I haven't learned this lesson that easily-it's taken a long time- too many tears shed, one too many sleepless nights, calls to friends/my mom crying about how "once again I can't believe the Army did this!-we HAD plans!", and a lot of kicking/screaming/dragging my feet to realize that the Army does control our lives and we are just along for the ride- I need to be flexible and be supportive of Caleb because as I am throwing a grown-up tantrum about how I can't plan anything, he is torn- his wife is upset, but he can't do anything, and if anyone should be upset/frustrated, it's him... I am used to it now... I am also used to friend's coming and going... it seems like the moment I start to become good friends with someone that they get orders and have to move- I am a friend-person: I have always had many, close friends, and never had to reall say goodbye to any of them (until I had to move-which broke my heart!)- I got a message yesterday, from not just one of my friends, but TWO, stating that they got orders and are moving in the next month... I replied with "let me know what I can help with!" and thus the baking, packing, moving details/business starts and once again I find myself saying goodbye... again, I am used to it- I could kick and scream like I used to, but I don't-it's not something new, and I know I will have to do this many more times... I also know that there is a reason for everything- God is in control and knows what he is doing (thankfully HE does because I sure don't!)... so I will continue to pray that I am flexible and pray for patience, but thank God for giving me good friends, Daisy, Caleb, and all the memories that I AM able to share/spend with each of them... and maybe throw in a prayer about Uncle Sam being a little more considerate towards the families and their lives/plans ;)